You still have a stack of laundry waiting to be folded. You still have baths to give and mouths to feed. You still need to get tomorrow’s schoolwork ready. You still need to shower yourself. You still need to spend a few minutes with your homeschool husband.
Take a deep breath and listen to me, mama. Move your “few minutes with the husband” to the top of your list. The half-emptied dishwasher can wait. The pile of dirty laundry can wait. The sink full of pots and pans can wait. But do you know what cannot wait? Your marriage.
So often, homeschooling moms put everything before them. The kids, school, karate lessons, dentist appointments, cooking, cleaning, volunteer work, visiting Grandma, bringing a dish to the church potluck. The list could go on forever. But usually right on top of “myself” at the very bottom of the long list, is the homeschool husband.
Of course, we never intend to place our homeschool husbands on the bottom of our list. On that memorable day, years ago that I stood in my white dress, promising to love this handsome young man for eternity, I never dreamed there would be a day that he would walk in the door from work and I wouldn’t jump to greet him with a kiss. I never foresaw the mere “hey” I would mumble as I went about chopping veggies for our dinner, while our toddler passionately rams me in the shins with his Tonka Truck. Never did I think my homeschool husband would be one of my last priorities, but sadly, he sometimes is.
I know that all moms feel this same guilt at times. Working moms, stay-at-home moms but homeschool moms, they never get a break. From sun up to sun down, we are in charge of our kids future, their education, their knowledge, their success. That puts a lot of added stress on a woman. So when she gets 5 minutes of peace and quiet, the last thing she wants to do is visit with her husband. But that is exactly what we need to do.
It’s so important to not let your homeschool husband get left behind while you are taking on the world. You need him. He needs you. Don’t make him feel like an outsider by leaving him in the dark. Carve out time for him. Make him feel special. Make sure he knows that he is appreciated and not taken for granted. Show him that he is the backbone of your family and your homeschooling lifestyle wouldn’t be possible without him.
It may seem impossible, but we’ve found 10 simple ways to make your homeschool husband feel like a million bucks!
There’s a reason everyone says this is so important. Because it is. Whether you plan a fun night out on the town or a night at home, snuggled up on the couch, it’s vital to your marriage to have some one-on-one time with your spouse. It doesn’t have to be fancy. A Redbox movie and a frozen pizza will work just fine! Use this time to catch up, reconnect, be together and remember why you fell head-over-heels for this guy. Aim to talk about other things besides homeschooling, your kids and stress-triggers, like money, bills, or work. Instead, talk about life or your future. Relax, laugh, enjoy a few hours together. You both need this.
Put the Kids to Bed:
One easy way to carve out some alone time is to put the kids to bed. When I feel overwhelmed and just want to talk to my husband, I put the kids to bed ASAP. Having some uninterrupted quiet time to just unwind and talk to each other is a must. Time with my husband brings my stress level down tremendously, so this benefits not just our marriage, but the kids as well.
While this sounds like a no-brainer, it’s easy to just nod a “hello” through the business of the day. While it’s sometimes hard to stop what you’re doing and run to the door to greet him, try to at least make eye contact and greet him with a smile. After all, he’s been working hard all day and coming home to chaos isn’t always his idea of relaxing. A quick kiss lets him know just how much he was missed today.
No, I don’t mean you should do the deed every night, but you should definitely show some sort of physical attention to your husband everyday. Some days, you’ll be able to spend an hour cuddling and other days you’ll be lucky if you even make any physical contact. On those days, it’s extra important to reach out and squeeze his hand, give him a quick hug or rub his shoulders. It’s important to stay connected to your husband, not just emotionally but physically as well.
Create a “10 Marriage Minutes” Rule :
Spend 10 minutes everyday with your husband, talking and catching up. Not only does this help you by guaranteeing some adult interaction, it’s a great time for him to unwind from a hard day’s work. You can easily slip this time into your busy day by doing the dishes together after dinner or sitting on the porch alone for a few minutes in the evening. Set some ground rules with the kids, explaining that your marriage is important and requires “10 Marriage Minutes” every day. They can grab a book, play video games or play quietly by themselves for these 10 minutes but they are not to disturb you and your husband unless necessary.
This is usually easier said than done. However, when we have a date night at home, we tend to fall into our usual habits. We grab our phones, browse the internet and half-heartedly watch a movie together. By getting outside the walls of your house, you eliminate distractions. You don’t have to book a weekend marriage retreat, a cheap dinner at the local Mexican restaurant , followed by some hiking doesn’t cost much at all and will make you feel more connected to your husband.
Include Him in Your Schoolwork:
There are tons of ways to show your husband that you appreciate him. We like to surprise my husband by packing fresh-baked cookies in his lunch. Send breads and cinnamon rolls, baked during your home-ec class, to work with him and he’ll be proud to show his co-workers the skills his kids are learning. Another way to include him in your learning is have the kids write a paper about his life, what they admire most about him or what they think he was life as a child. You can use him as the subject of your art lessons by having the kids draw a picture of their favorite memories with him. Imagine how his eyes will light up when your kids present him with their artwork featuring their most memorable camping trip.
Eat Dinner Together:
Sitting down and taking just a brief amount of time to talk, laugh and share about your day is an awesome way to connect as a family. Eating dinner together isn’t an option at our house. It’s a must. For 20-30 minutes every evening, my husband is guaranteed some quality conversation with not just his wife, but also his kids. Your homeschool husband, most likely, leads a more glamorous day than you. He doesn’t deal with spit up, spilled milk, broken crayons or the anatomy of a horse. Give him a chance to talk to the kids and tell them about his day. Soon your entire family will look forward to these few precious minutes each evening.
See Him Off:
It’s so easy for us to stay curled up in our cozy beds when our husbands head out early in the morning. They’re headed to work and we’re dreaming of sleeping in for a few more minutes. It’s so easy to roll over and doze off again but trust me, your husband will love it when you crawl out of bed and enjoy a cup of coffee with him. My kids are rarely awake when my husband leaves but when they are, he loves it. It makes his day even better by starting it off seeing the ones he loves the most. As hard as it is, make an attempt to see him off to work in the morning.
Everyone loves to be pampered and your homeschool husband is no exception. Sometimes it takes something as simple as cooking his favorite dinner to make your husband feel special. Shower him in compliments, surprise him with an action movie or take out the trash for him. Do something you usually don’t, like rub his feet to show him that you appreciate him.
As a homeschooling family, it can be hard to carve out alone time with your husband, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make him feel like a million bucks everyday. Remember it’s the small things that make us feel loved!